The Stupidest Story EVER
by LampsAreCool
Summary: I'm not kidding about the title. Don't read this unless you are a raving lunatic.
1. Cheese nips

  
  
  
  
  
  


"Hey Harry!!" yelled Ron from the Great Hall. "I've got a really funny joke!! Okay ready? WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?"

"Lemme guess.... he wanted to get to the other side," Harry muttered.

"HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR!!" Ron burst into wild maniacal laughter. Suddenly Draco appeared.

"Like, oh my gawd, Weasley. That was TOTALLY the worst joke I've like, ever heard!!" Draco shouted, flipping his long blonde hair behind him. "Oh yeah, like, by the way, this TOTALLY uncool guy named Voldemort is loose in the school." Suddenly a panicked look came across his face. "Like, Oh My Gawd!! I totally forgot there's a sale at Mervyns today!" he grabbed his pink purse and ran off in the direction of Mervyn's. 

Just then Hermione walked in.

"Hey Hermione!!!" Ron yelled, an excited grin on his face. "Do you wanna...?"

"Because it wanted to get to the other side," she answered promptly.

"HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR!!!" Ron fell down on the floor laughing, suffocated, and died. After giving Ron a blank glance, Hermione turned to Harry. 

"Hermione, what would you do if your arch enemy, who killed you parents, who wants you dead, who has murdered thousands of innocent children and is bent on world domination was running around Hogwarts loose?" Harry inquired casually. 

Ron came back from the dead and yelled, "To get to the other side! HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR!!!"

"Well, Harry," Hermione answered a-matter-of-factly, "that's a simple one. I'm glad I read up on it in _Hogwarts, A History._ All you do is..."

She was rudely interrupted by Professor Mconagall rushing in. "Potter!! I'm disappointed in you! You're not saving the world from the evil Dark Lord! Detention and 50 points from Gryffindor!"

"Detention right now?" said Harry. 

"Yes!!" Mconagall yelled angrily.

"But Professor," Harry pleaded, "What about...?"

"That can wait, Potter!!" And so she lead him off to muck the stables.

And so while our steadfast hero miserably mucked out the stables, the Evil Dark Lord conquered the world, Dumbledore sat on the couch eating cheese nips, and Ron won first prize in a rodeo half time competition. As for Draco, he found the CUTEST pair of heels at Mervyn's for 20% off!

MORALE OF THE STORY: _Always _pray for more environmental protection.


	2. Avocados

  
  
  


"Hey Harry!" Ron yelled from the common room. "Wanna hear a joke?"

"Why do I feel like I've lived this moment before?" Harry muttered to no one in particular.

"KNOCK KNOCK!" Ron yelled.

"Who's there," Harry muttered.

"Ping-pong!!!"

"Ping-pong....who?"

"Avocado! HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR!!!!!"

Ron laughed himself into the fireplace and coincidentally flooed himself to Voldemort's evil lair. Harry, being the heroic cheese brain that he always is, yelled, "NOOOOOOO!" and in slow motion threw himself in the fireplace after Ron. 

**_**_**_**_ . . . Meanwhile, in Voldemort's evil lair. . . .

Voldemort, Evil Lord of the Dark, jumped as Harry and Ron tumbled out of his fire place. Ron continued rolling on the floor laughing, while Harry quickly got up. 

Voldemort pulled out his wand. "My arch nemesis . . ." he whispered. Harry pulled out his wand.

"You must be here for my 46th annual slumber party!!" Voldemort said, an excited smile on his face. He used his wand to re-stuff his battered old teddy bear. Harry's mouth dropped open.

Suddenly Death Eaters started filing in, all in pajamas and carrying teddy bears.

"Look, Luciee!" Voldemort squealed. "We have new friends!" 

Lucius Malfoy looked towards Harry. "Ah, Mr. Potter....." 

"We brought cookies!" Lucius held out a platter of chocolate chip cookies. "Me and Draco baked them in our Easy-Bake Oven!"

"Yummie!!" Voldie said, running over and picking up a cookie. Bellatrix, in bunny slippers, did the same.

5 mins later, when the Death Eaters are linking arms and listening to "The Farmer in the Dell" while roasting marshmallows, Harry finally comes to his senses.

"Uh, Voldie, it's been real nice, but it's way past mine and Ron's bedtime, so we'll just be going now..." Harry began to inch towards the door.

"I totally understand. 7:30 PM is way past my bedtime, too. Farewell, friends." Tears filled Voldies eyes as they took off on their Harley Davidsons.

So the Evil Lord Voldemort took over the world with an army of teddy bears, Draco found ANOTHER pair of slippers for 25% off, Ron died laughing as they passed an avocado field, Hermione won a trip to Baghdad out of a Lay's Potato Chip package, and Michael Jackson got another face lift. 

MORAL: Always look both ways before crossing the street, and never leave the water on while brushing your teeth. 

  



End file.
